They're All Frogs

. . . a tale of male privilege and the patriarchy

Unknown Artist

Three things I restacked recently:

From Metaphore Maven:

“I have fifty subscribers on Substack,” I tell my husband. “That was fast,” he replies. “Maybe they’re all bots.”

These random strikes at my happiness come out of the blue, like lightning on a clear day. I never expect them. “Maybe,” I admit. Or maybe fifty people just like what I have to say.

I hold on to the rainbow after the storm.

From Mel Jones:

From Negriz:

Do we understand that the Earth literally won’t allow the patriarchy to continue? A society that pretends human beings aren’t nature will not survive.

The collapse is already here, and with the Earth’s support, matriarchy is growing in the cracks.

I should be spending my writing time today on my book; an editor is waiting for the proposal. Instead, my thoughts are spinning around the social construct of male entitlement that keeps women in their place—beneath men.

Here at The House of Willow & Thorn we completed a rather large project over the past week, and there were squabbles. There are always squables when there are projects, no matter how I try to avoid them, no matter the magick I try to weave. The Patriarchy is a powerful cabal with centuries of authority girding its loins, my magick alone is most often like spitballs pinging off armour. There have been a few successes. Still, I always believe there is room for more.

Anyway, with each disagreement I heard my mother’s voice whispering from the void, “Your father just has to do a certain amount of bitching to get it off his chest, then everything is fine.” This applied to much more than home projects for my parents, but especially then. And she was right. Like a Lion, my father established his doman with his roar. Once he was assured (in his mind) that he was calling the shots, things could proceed.

I married my father. It seems my husband, too, is not happy until his two-cents have been put in, even when the project is mine alone—“Food for thought,” he begins, or “Just a suggestion.”

As I see it, those of us who choose to partner with a man—all end up with the clone of our fathers. It’s inevitable, not because we’re drawn to what we know, but because male privilege is the grain of man’s timber. It may manifest differently in each of them, even faintly in some, but it’s there.

The Frog Prince was the first story in Grimm’s Fairytales, adapted from an old German folktale. A beautiful princess asks a frog to help her retrieve a gold ball she accidentally dropped in a well. The frog agrees to help, if she will be his friend. She says she will, but as soon as her golden ball is returned to her, she dashes away, leaving the frog alone.

The clever frog pursues her. When the King hears the frog’s story, he tells his daughter she must stand by her word. The frog sits next to her at the table, even eating from her plate. Then he wants to sleep in the princess’s bed. She is disgusted by the thought, but once again, her father tells her she must comply. She tries to place the frog on the floor of her bed chamber, but he demands the same comforts as she, and hops into her bed.

Here’s where the story gets good. Furious, the princess throws the frog against the wall and as he falls to the floor, where he is transformed into a handsome prince. He tells her he was under the curse of a evil witch. There are two, more modern versions. In one, three nights sleeping upon the princess’s pillow is enough for the transformation. In the most well known version, it is a kiss from the princess that frees the handsome prince.

There are so many methaphores in this tale I’m not sure where to begin unpacking them. A male figure offers to help a woman, but only if she gives herself, in some manner, in return. Honestly, the golden ball belonged to the Princess, why should she owe anything to someone who willingly helps her retrieve what is rightfully hers? Need I point out that the golden ball represents her—body and soul?

Image Source: Freepik.com

Yet, her own father sides with the frog. The substext of telling his daughter she must keep her word implies the princess is spoiled and selfish for believing that she does not owe the frog the favor of her company for rendering his aid. God forbid that the King would give the frog some suitable reward for helping his daughter and send him hopping on his way. Even better, how about if the frog helped her out of the goodness of his heart, no reciprocation required?

Whether she throws the frog against the wall to smack some sense into him, or bestows a kiss, it’s clear that men cannot break the curse cast over them withouth possessing a woman’s very essence—her magickal power.

And what of this curse that turns men into frogs, beasts, or tricksters? Always cast by a witch, of course, and that’s some of the grandest scapegoating I’ve ever seen. In the patriarchy, there are two types of women—the bad ones who curse you and ruin your life, and the good ones, whose magick transforms you into a prince of man.

This is what I appreciate about male witches—they get it. They get that there is God AND Goddess. Even if they don’t practice with deity, they understand the union, the yin and yang, the balance of energies.

I have to be honest and say that I don’t know if the patriarchy can be vanquished after weilding the upper hand for so long, but I don’t intend to stop trying any time soon.

Spell to Disempower Patriarchy and Raise Equality

Timing: Waning Moon (to banish), or on a Monday (for justice and healing)
Tools:

• Black candle (banishing oppression)

• White or gold candle (invoking equality and balance)

• Bowl of salt water (purification)

• Small mirror

• Herb allies: Mugwort (vision), Rosemary (clarity & remembrance), and Dandelion (resilience)

• A piece of paper and pen

• Fire-safe dish

Ritual Steps:

Cast your circle and call in the elements.
Invite ancestors and spirit guides who fought for liberation, justice, and healing to join you.

Anoint the black candle with oil (rosemary or your choice) and say:

"I name what no longer serves —
lies of power hoarded, the cage of control,
let the false throne fall.
Let truth take hold."

Anoint the white/gold candle, and say:

"I call what will rise —
compassion, equity, voices unbound.
Let balance return where it was denied."

On the paper, write what you wish to banish:

Examples:
“Misogyny,”
“Rape culture,”
“Silencing of voices,”
“Wage inequality,”
or simply “The systems that uphold patriarchal harm.”

Hold the paper to your heart, then burn it in the fire-safe dish. As it burns, say:

"By fire’s truth, I break the chains.
What is unjust, dissolve, disband.
No longer hidden, no longer named sacred.
I reclaim the power in every hand."

Gaze into the mirror and say:

"I see the world reborn through my eyes.
Not as it was, but as it must rise.
Equality lives in me, in you, in all.
We rise together, we do not fall."

Sprinkle a few rosemary or dandelion leaves in the salt water. Dip your fingers in and anoint your third eye, heart, and palms. Say:

"With clear sight, full heart, and willing hands,
I build the world where justice stands."

Close the circle, thank your guides, and ground your energy (eat something or place your hands on the earth).

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Until next time ~

Blessed Be and Journey Well